The Support System

By character, I'm not a selfish person.  Generally, I go out of my way to help someone if asked (or even hinted).  Particularly in the job arena, I based my career on anticipated other peoples' needs.  This was a large portion of my identity.  Working for myself, starting a business of my own meant shifting the focus to myself.  I was uncomfortable with this spotlight.

I felt so many obligations: to my co-workers, to my family, to my husband, to my friends.  Starting my own business would mean that for a few months (at least) I wouldn't have the same money to contribute to the home finances.  I wouldn't be able to treat people to dinner, might not be able to fly out and see family as often.  I had grown used to the weekly check and was afraid that without it , my self worth would somehow diminish. Of course, these ideas about how other people perceive me were all in my head.

Luckily, I'm surrounded by amazing family and friends.  As I started telling people about what I wanted to do, I was met with an overwhelming enthusiasm.  Everyone else thought I was perfect for this.  Everyone else thought I should be doing something in the creative realm.  It took me by surprise.  I had been so focused on being "technical" that I forgot that my hobbies were all creative.  It made me think, "if they think I can do it, then I must be able do it."

The biggest support in all of this was my husband.  I am very independent and have a lot of pride.  The idea of not contributing to the household bothered me;  I didn't want to become a burden.  His opinion mattered the most.  He explained to me why this was not only important to me, but also to him.  Ultimately, he wants to see his wife happy and successful.  He knew I could do it.  He was prepared to lend whatever kind of support I needed.  When I threw out questions, my fears of floundering, he met each with a contrary response.  What ifs went from being negative to positive.  Questions went from  "What if I'm not getting a steady paycheck each week?" to "What if you end up being really successful?" That was exactly what I needed.

Branching out a business of my own meant that I woud lose the office comeradery, the daily dealing with people.  In speaking with my friends and family, I realised just how important they were to me in this venture.